Netflix’s Sex/Life created quite the stir after its release sending most people into a quick binge. It also created a plethora of conversations that ranged from, ‘this is my life after being married for so long’ to ‘the sex is so hot you got to watch’ to  ‘seriously?’ to ‘is this what we should all expect from marriage?’  ‘This’ being the inevitable lack of sex and passion that comes from the normalcy of day to day life with someone. 

This commentary is not without merit but deeper than that were some deeply disturbing messages that we as a society continue to perpetuate about gender roles, relationships, and sex. Leading me to think that Netflix missed a huge opportunity to educate and level up our current conditioning with more modern messaging. 

I recorded a podcast with a run down of my thoughts about getting through the first episode but wanted to highlight 3 myths that deserve busting here. 

Myth #1

Womens worth and the myth that she is defined by how desired she is. That her relationship is only as fulfilling as the sex she is having.

“Being and feeling sensual, sexual or desired does not come from outside of you. It does not come from getting fucked. 

It comes from within. From your thoughts about yourself. The energy you embody. No one can make you feel sexy or desired. They can desire you, tell you you are sexy but think about it, you have to believe them to feel it. Which is the conundrum and endless quest; if you don’t believe it already you won’t when someone tells you. You may in the moment but it will be as fleeting as the orgasm. And then you’re off looking for the next lay to boost your self esteem; and then years later you realized it doesn’t matter how sexy, how desired, how fuckable or how many you fucked, you don’t feel better about yourself and you have to reconcile all of that within you. 

This messaging that we as women buy into around our worth coming from being sexy and desired -that that is what we want is horse shit and the biggest scam. “

Myth #2

A Big Dick Not Maketh Great Sex.

“This pressure for men to perform and please is more fuel to feed the patriarch. It’s a disempowering message to both men and women. And we as women want to recognize our role and how we are supporting this message as well. 

This is why women coming into owning their pleasure as a birth right and being part of the intimate experience – co creating- not just laying there, moaning loudly for him but engaging in, speaking up on behalf of and owning your orgasms and pleasure is mandatory.

“I know now that great love making and states of pleasure can be found without a dick or penetration. That P in V isn’t the only way to have sex or an orgasm. It’s one way, but not the way. That the size doesn’t matter. That a healthy sex life isn’t dependent on his dick and what it can do for me. 

It’s about your connection with this person. Intimacy. Knowing yourself, your body and getting to know theirs. That at the end of the day, it’s another human being with human parts who’s worth should not be measured.

Let’s stop reinforcing messages that a mans manhood and worth is his ability to perform and measured inch by inch.”

Myth #3

Women Working

“This would also have been a great topic for them to expand AND addressing the one thing most people aren’t questioning which is a woman walking away from her Ivy League degree. The lack of dialogue around it is disturbing because there is nothing more commonplace and accepted than a woman giving up her work to stay home. The repercussions and compound effects a woman faces when she walks away from work go well into her retirement. 

Unfortunately, no wants to talk about the real statistics of what happens when a woman gives up working to stay home with the children.”

“The messaging I give my children is not the one that Sex/Life and most of western culture offers because in my opinion not only is it a disservice to them, it would be irresponsible. We should be raising our kids to partner with their partners, pursue their passions, to learn how to make and have money, and take responsibility for themselves financially, emotionally, sexually. How to communicate. Not assume gender roles. Talk about post-nups, not just prenups. Not to give themselves up for a person or family. That they can work AND raise children. 

I want to encourage any woman out there who struggles with the idea of working and parenting to read The Feminine Mistake. It isn’t easy to manage work and kids and partners and have a life.

I know personally, but I promise you its worth it.

The Feminine Mistake shares with you the research and real life stories of what can happen to women who give up their work, why they choose it and how detrimental it can be over the long haul. It also shares with you encouraging stories and the upside to doing both. “

I invite you to listen to the episode here for the full effect. I also invite you to consider what outdated narratives you might still be buying into and perpetuating. Are they supporting and serving you and the sexes? You are your relationships? You and your sovereign self?

I’ll also have you know that after ranting about it on social media I had a handful of people ask me if I had seen Bridgerton… a period piece that focuses on courting and marriage but with a sprinkling of modern AND the sex scenes are seen more from a woman’s gaze. I get Tudor vibes without the darkness. (Gawd, I loved the Tudors. That was low-key like porn for me too…)

I will say this, I’m five episodes in and the sex has just started. Bridgerton has been taking its time building the characters and narratives, sprinkling in little by little desire and touch. You know, foreplay for the viewer. Where as Sex/Life grabs the viewers attention by showing you as much as possible in the first few minutes garnering shock. Which splashes your dopamine but ultimately, requires you needing crazier faster to get off. 

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention my personal favorite binge Broad City, that I’ve been watching with my child, Faith.  It’s a fun fast show that provides narratives, languages and messaging that is more attuned with gender equality, feminism and sex without the seriousness of affairs and being miserable. 

As a matter of fact, one thing I love about the show aside from updating my terminology is that, though they crush on people, the show doesn’t revolve around their existence and worth being about who they are with. Their dating and love lives are second, maybe even third ranking in importance. 

It’s so fucking refreshing. 

I regret not knowing about the series when it came out. There is an episode called Witches that addresses the emotional stress caused by Trump winning the election in 2016 that is so powerful and informative. 

It’s funny to the point I have to turn it off at times and walk away because I’m laughing so hard. Which has me wondering… the level of pleasure I experience watching it. Am I feeling peak vibes? Sexy pleasurable erotic energy vibes from laughing and relating? Holy cats. It’s official… Broad City gets 5 0’s. Who knew?! 

Leave a Reply